6.2.09

It goes without saying how incredibly difficult today was for both of us. We woke up this morning and spent time together gaining strength and talking about Theo and all he stood for. The sun was shining and we were sure he was looking down on us sending all the support and love he could. I have no doubt in my mind that Theo was with us every step of the way. At times during the service, I managed to feel peaceful and happy thinking of my beautiful baby who was now at peace and that is a lovely memory to have. I didn't manage to see how full the church was, but I got a real sense of a lot of love and support and I know that carried us through today. It was so comforting to see some familiar and loved faces, and although they looked really sad, it felt nice to know so many people had travelled to be with us and say goodbye to Theo. We will take time over the next couple of days to personally thank friends who travelled a distance to be with us. It was really touching and comforting.
I am extremely proud of my husband for being able to stand up today and speak on behalf of the two of us. He has been so brave and supportive throughout our journey and I know our bond is even stronger. I know Theo would be very, very proud of his daddy. One of the hardest parts of today was watching Gary get dressed for the funeral. It was one of the most upsetting moments and I just felt so sorry for him. I never thought we would ever have to prepare for our own child's funeral and sometimes it is the less obvious moments that are the hardest.
Gary and I have made the decision that tonight will be our last posting on our blog. It makes me sad to say that as it kind of feels like goodbye. The blog has been a distraction, a record of events and also a huge support to ourselves but it is time to get on with the next part of our journey. I feel that the next bit will, in someway, be the hardest and I don't know how we get on with 'normal' life as there is now a huge void and nothing will ever be the same. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for sharing this journey with us and I know the blog will be read a hundred times by ourselves over the years as will your kind and comforting comments.

To our beautiful and brave son Theo,
May you be in peace now with the angels.
Forever in our hearts and always in our thoughts.
We love you to heaven and back...
Love mummy and daddy xxx

3.1.09

Thought I would add a picture of Theos other helpers who have kept him company on his journey.

A quick note to confirm funeral arrangements. The blog is probably the best way of informing people but we would also appreciate if anyone reading this could make phone calls etc to those you know we would want to be informed. We appreciate that not everyone will read the blog daily and we know you will understand the difficulty in getting in touch with everyone personally.

A service will be held at the Grangemouth Zetland Parish Church at 12.30pm on Friday 6th February. This is an open service to anyone wishing to attend and we would welcome all of Theo's supporters. We know many of you have followed Theo's journey and you may wish to say your farewells to him personally.
We will be holding a Private Family Burial at Kingscavil Cemetry following the church service.
Unfortuntely we will be unable to meet everyone so we have organised for some condolense books to be left out at the church. We would very much appreciate if everyone could write a message as we know we will find this comforting in the following weeks and it would be nice to have a record of all those that attended.

Directions to Church
http://maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&tab=wl

2.1.09

A massive thanks again for all your support particularly with Theo's fundraising. It really is overwhelming.

Difficult day today as we had to organise a meeting to register Theo's birth but also death, meet the funeral director and then go out in the snow to find Theo a final resting place. Just seems so surreal at times and no one should ever have to do these things for their own child. It's amazing the strength we get from each other to get through these days and we know our journey has made us even stronger.

At this point we do not have a definite date & time for the funeral but we are aiming for Friday early afternoon, if we can be accommodated. We will be holding a public service in Grangemouth Zetland Parish church followed by a private burial. We should have the details tomorrow so will let you all know through the BLOG. Needless to say you are all welcome.

http://www.justgiving.com/theowelsh

1.2.09

Dad here again.

Thanks so far on all the fund raising support. We are already overwhelmed.

With Nic's permission, picture posted as promised. I dont think you need any more words from me tonight....

http://www.justgiving.com/theowelsh

31.1.09

Dad back on the Blog tonight.
Today we spent our day at home with Lucas. He has had such a disruption in his care over the last few weeks that we wanted to spend time alone with him. I think he is very wary that we always seem to leave, so feels unsettled even going for afternoon sleeps, as he probably wonders who will be there to wake him up. Although only just two, we know he is aware something is wrong, and he was more upset than normal, but also more cuddly than usual. Lucas and I gave Mum some time this morning, and went for a wee trip to Bo'ness to see his favourite Choo Choo's, Unfortunately it was closed for the season although there were a couple of old diesel trains in operation, and the driver was kind enough to give Lucas a "toot toot" when he drove past. We then went to the toy shop and bought some Thomas engines with some of GG's (Great Granny's) birthday money.

I'm writing the blog in bed tonight with Nic beside me, she is exhausted and almost asleep, so I have full editorial rights this evening. That will also mean even more bad grammar and spelling!
It does however give me a great opportunity to thank Nic for doing everything she could for our Theo, from taking good care of him when inside, to becoming an "expert" in Exomphalos. She certainly gave every medical professional we met some pretty tough interrogation during consultation, and left no stone unturned. Nic has been extremely brave through this journey, and I really cannot put into words how proud I am of her courage and bravery shown throughout. It was extremely difficult to watch her first proper cuddle with Theo, in the knowledge his fight was over, and the first real cuddle (unaided) would only be for some minutes, but I know she found her peace when Theo passed (as did I). I did take a photo at the time and with Nic's permission, I will publish on the Blog. Many of you have been on this journey with us and I would like to share our moment with you also.... They just both looked so beautiful.

We now need to move onto the next step, which means organising Theo's funeral. As I sit here, I have no idea where we find more strength for this. No parent should be in this position. I hate to say it, but sometimes this all really seems so unfair.

Now I WILL ask for your help. Tonight we setup up a fund for the Sick Kids Hospital in Memory of Theo and any donation would be greatly appreciated. Every little bit would help. Theo had 24/7 and 1:1 care for 3 weeks, not to mention the top surgeons and consultants in the country looking after him. We would like to think that this level of care can and will continue for other babies with similar conditions. Just click on the attached link.

http://www.justgiving.com/theowelsh

Thanks again for all the posts, e-mails, txts and messages. If its OK we would much prefer this to sympathy cards (the cost of a card and stamp could go into his fund instead). I dont think we are ready for cards yet as we have only just taken down the congratulations cards, and it's these little things we find difficult. So keep the txt's, posts etc coming as they do help, they really really do...

30.1.09

How do I write this blog? I must though as I would otherwise be letting Theo down...

Today our beautiful son passed away after 3 weeks of a battle he was never going to win. In true 'Theo the Brave' style, he didn't give up but rather Gary and I made the decision for him by taking him off the ventilator. We didn't think we could ever be so brave, and god knows where we got the strength from, but we ended our son's pain by letting him finally sleep in peace.
Where do we start? The surgeons examined Theo's exomphalos yesterday about 12 o'clock and they found that the intestines and some of the liver had started to die. They suspect it might even have started in the womb due to the opening being too small for the contents. Again, this confirms to us that our baby knew he had to make his appearance early to give him a chance of life. Unfortunately, it was perhaps too late or maybe he was too small to deal with all he had against him. The surgeons and doctors confirmed that there was nothing medically they could do for Theo anymore and he would not survive. Infection would take over and it was just a matter of time. It could be hours or days...
We slept overnight in the same room as him and we got to have our first cuddles. Just so wrong that the first cuddles were going to be so short lived. Words can't describe how magical it was to hold my baby after 3 long weeks. My mum and dad, Gary's sister and Gary's mum visited at night and all sat with Theo giving him cuddles and talking to him. The minister from my church also drove out and Theo was baptised. We didn't really sleep but lay on a bed next to him watching him and rubbing his hands and feet. By morning his heart rate dropped considerably when they moved him out of his incubator and we knew then that he was getting weaker. Family visited again in the morning including my brother and his wife and Gary's aunt and uncle and everyone said their goodbyes. It goes without saying how difficult and painful this was for everyone and for Gary and I to see. We could clearly see that Theo was going to lose his continuing battle and that we must get the strength to make the decision for him before he suffered anymore.
At 4.15pm his little body eventually gave in and as his heart stopped, so did ours. As he left this world to go to another place, he took with him a large part of us and we know we will never be the same again. However, he left with us the most special memories and the 3 hours following were the most treasured hours as we got to hold him, cuddle and talk to him without any wires, tubes or machines. He was peaceful and he looked absolutely beautiful. This is how we will always remember our son.
What do I write next? Even feeling how we do, our hearts still go out to all those who have had to read this as you have all been with us on this journey. As always, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all your support and encouragement this far and it goes without saying that we need it now more than ever.
We are considering setting up a fund to raise money for the Sick Kids in memory of Theo so please check the blog regularly to see how you can help.
In his 3 short weeks of life, Theo touched so many people's hearts and I know he will not be forgotten. He was an incredibly special baby and will live in our hearts forever.

28.1.09

A quick thanks for all my 'choo, choo' bday gifts. I am a very lucky boy. Thanks also for helping support my mummy, daddy and my new little brother Theo by following the blog and sending all your messages. One day I will read all about it and realise why I got so spoiled on my 2nd bday :-) Lots of love Lucas xxx


How lovely it was to open the blog tonight and see how many people had responded and how encouraging to read them all. I am especially pleased to hear the Guiness frenzie is spreading and I will join the 'team' at 11pm tomorrow in cheering my baby on...
Grandma, grandad, Gary and I visited the brave Theo today and he has again held is own by being really settled. They redressed his exomphalos this morning and they all seemed very happy with it. They will eventually let it 'dry out' so to speak but I'm not sure when this will be. His heart rate had reduced further this afternoon and he was very sleepy and content. I didn't even touch him today as often that wakes him and I can see he is trying to communicate and wake up but I want him to get stronger and bigger so it was a day of rest and recovery. The grandparents sat with him and Gary and I popped into the Drop In Centre again. I was getting a complimentary aromatherapy treatment while Gary got a coffee and checked emails etc. It felt really strange doing something nice for myself and the girl decided to go slow and start with a hand and foot massage. She explained that it was important for me to relax and switch off so I could be strong for Theo. The staff encourage you to use this facility as obviously it is important to look after yourself which in turn helps Theo. Unfortunately that is really hard for me to do and when I tried to close my eyes and relax, the thoughts came flooding and so did the tears. It was a very strange experience as I am usually very good at treating myself but it felt wrong and it didn't feel nice to be good to myself. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but like I said yesterday, it is weird what your mind and body does at times like this. Yesterday Gary almost broke my arm (my own stupidity-not abuse!) as I was handing something to Lucas between the car door and Gary didn't notice my arm and shut the car door on it (luckily didn't slam it or I would also be in hospital with Theo!!) The funny thing was it didn't really hurt and I just kept thinking that it didn't come close to the pain that Theo must be feeling. It's almost like I wanted to feel some pain to feel better about the whole thing, perhaps to feel less guilty? So in the end I got my treatment with a box of tissues on my lap and although a stange experience, I think it did help a bit. I dread when it is all over and I eventually begin to relax again as I fear there will be no stopping the floodgates...shares in Kleenex might be a good idea!!
We are spending the evening at home to try and get an early night (yeh right!) and Gary is currently trying to assemble Lucas's new art and craft table. Mummy and Lucas are spending tomorrow being creative and hopefully going to try and make a cardboard train he saw on 'Mister Maker'. We shall see...if it's any good I might post it on the blog...